Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
