Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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