In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
