Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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