Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
