don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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