at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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