You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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