I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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