I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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