Just fell off a train. Bad.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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