i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
