I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
