Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
