That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
