I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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