we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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