no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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