So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Someone signed my nipple.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
