cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
