I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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