69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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