I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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