Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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