Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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