Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
