is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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