i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
