the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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