Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
