dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
