you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
