Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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