i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
