you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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