i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
