I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
