Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
