she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize