Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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