he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
