you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
