I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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