Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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