Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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