You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
