how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize