you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he thought i was a dude.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
