I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What drink are we having for lunch?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
