I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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