is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am naked and annoyed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
