I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
