Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize