You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize