Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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