ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
