this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
PANTIES FOUND
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