Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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