new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
