i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
