I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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