I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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