He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
