You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
