Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
