i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
