As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
