i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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