you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
