she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize