I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
