i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
