don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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