Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize