Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
