you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
