i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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