Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize