I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
