this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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