I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
